20 Things Never to Say on a First Date
By: Jill L. Ferguson
The following things should never, ever, ever be said on a first date–if you want that first date to lead to a second date.
1) Are those real?
2) Are you pregnant?
3) Is it okay if Mom comes with us?
4) Do you have any money?
5) I hope you don’t mind walking. My ex-wife just had my car repossessed.
6) You can’t call me because I am living at the Y.
7) My doctor says I’m not contagious anymore.
My parents said I had to be home by 10. Do you have a curfew too?
9) I can’t go out to dinner with you, but you can come here. I am under house arrest.
10) Don’t believe what everyone says about me.
11) If anyone comes looking for me, just make believe you haven’t seen me.
12) Can you drive? My driver’s license has been suspended for the next five years.
13) You look just like my mother.
14) Hey, this date has already lasted longer than my last 12.
15) I hope you like kids. All six of mine are coming with us.
16) Do you like Star Trek and go to conventions too?
17) Sorry about the smell. I didn’t have time to bathe.
18) I usually only date supermodels.
19) My therapist said meeting new people and going out in public would be good for me.
20) Let’s just skip the pretense and go back to your place.
Jill L. Ferguson is a writer, editor, public speaker and professor of Literature, Creative Writing and Communication at the San Francisco Conservatory of Music. Her novel, Sometimes Art Can’t Save You, was published in October 2005 by In Your Face Ink, LLC. (http://www.inyourfaceink.com)