Are You A Giver Or A Taker?
By: Tim Connor
Givers in relationships are always looking for ways to help, support, give and be a benefit to their partners. They give because it is in their nature to be generous, kind, giving or supportive.
Takers on the other hand always take - stuff, help, support, kind acts, recognition etc. They take because it is their nature to do so. Now lets put a taker in a relationship with a giver.
Givers need a taker to give to, so they tend to attract them into their life. And, takers need a giver in their relationship so they too tend to attract givers. This is where the problems begin for both parties in this type of a relationship. (Please keep in mind that these relationships can work, they just take a lot of work)
The givers give and give and give and the takers take and take and take. So what’s the problem? Well, after a while the givers begin to resent the takers for never giving something, anything back and the takers also begin to resent the givers for always giving. Both parties will deal with their personal agendas in different ways, but the outcomes are the same. Anger, resentment, feeling taken advantage of, and often guilt, yes the taker will feel guilt, but for different reasons than the giver. Are you in a relationship with your opposite? Are you the giver or the taker? What can you do to ensure your relationship doesn’t escalate in a negative fashion? Here a few pointers.
If you are a giver:
1) Give to yourself sometimes more than your partner.
2) When you do give to him/her, do it without an expectation for any type of return even a thank you.
3) Manage you expectations more honestly.
4) Learn to accept you partner for who he/she is.
5) Rise above the emotional game playing of who is giving or getting more.
6) Learn to handle taking better.
7) Recognize that your taking partner needs you to give to them.
If you are a taker:
1) Recognize that sooner or later you will begin to resent your giving partner.
2) Learn to be verbally appreciative of the giving your partner does.
3) Try to give once in a while, and don’t expect a big brass band when you do.
4) Recognize that your giving partner wants and/or needs to be able to give.
5) Try little acts of thoughtfulness or kindness more often.
6) Don’t expect anything from your partner, and when they give it see it as a real gift of themselves they are sharing.
Givers and takers are not right or wrong, it is just the way they are. They can change if they choose to. So which are you? Is your partner like you or opposite in this regard?
Tim Connor, CSP is an internationally renowned sales, management and leadership speaker, trainer and best selling author. Since 1981 he has given over 3500 presentations in 21 countries on a variety of sales, management, leadership and relationship topics. He is the best selling author of over 60 books including; Soft Sell, That’s Life, Peace Of Mind, 91 Challenges Managers Face Today and Your First Year In Sales. He can be reached at tim@timconnor.com, 704-895-1230 or visit his website at http://www.timconnor.com