Arguing the Right Way
By: Kate Thompson
All couples have had their fair share of arguments, some are constructive and others completely destructive. Is arguing a healthy building block to a lasting relationship?, that all depends on how you pick and wage your battles. Next time you find verbal exchange heating up follow these easy guidelines to help turn your argument into a constructive discussion.
First things first: Compromise. If you find each of you wants something different, meet each other halfway. Secondly don’t sweat the small stuff, everyone has their own way of doing things.
There is no sense in fighting for the sake of fighting, usually a more serious issue is at the root of most petty arguments. If you do have a hang up over some recent upset then get it out of your system. Sit down with your partner to have a respectful debate or write it out in a letter to express exactly what you want to get off your chest.
Always stress the “I” in your argument which is much less accusatory then using “You”. As in “I feel frustrated” rather then “You always frustrate me”. If you get overheated during an argument and are afraid of saying something you might later regret, leave the situation and take a breather. You can always go to bed angry just make an effort to discuss things when you wake up. Usually having that time to analyze the situation puts everything into perspective and allows you to more clearly state your case.
Lastly, always be willing to agree to disagree. Respect your partner’s opinion and openly share your own, don’t let your need to control manifest into continuous conflicts. When the smoke clears, be the first to stand up and apologize, and flowers can definitely smooth matters over!
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