Arranged Marriages - a Perception
By: Varuna Bhatia
It is often said that when you are living in a hostel, if you learn to live in peace with your room mate then you can have a very successful marriage. After all, marriage is all about compromise, and nothing can teach you that better than hostel life….or so they say. I do not get it…it’s an absolute contradiction of sorts. This being since the two things have completely different bases. In the hostel scenario you’re to share your room and your daily activities can be witnessed by your room mate. But apart from that, there is nothing to it. A marriage on the other hand is supposed to be based on love, trust and respect. I don’t see how people can equate nothingness at the base (or at any rate only a similar academic interest) with something as rock solid as the foundation stone for marriage!
Looking at the situation in the Indian context, where arranged marriages are still the norm rather than exception, that is exactly how marriage is perceived. You start with nothing at the base and work towards…or hope towards…finding love and trust. It is an absolute regression! How do you intend to build your castle with not even a brick for the threshold?? People don’t even know each other but get married nevertheless for financial security or companionship or heck sometimes only because they have “reached the age” and yes, to have children. The latter in itself is a very selfish concept to me. People who cant even stand each other stay together because they have children together. No, not exactly…what I mean is that people have marital discord and think that having a child together will bring everything to normal…everything will start falling into its rightful place. Why? Because that way they’ll have something common to care about.
This sort of situation only arises when they don’t have a base of understanding or trust to begin with. That is when they look for materialistic possessions to bind them together…maybe bind…maybe chain…so they have no alternative. It works perfectly in every situation now doesn’t it? Eliminate the alternative and you have a decision! True, children are the most special and precious of the gifts that a couple receives as a couple but then the child is supposed to be born out of love and not love expected to flow because of the child. That’s turning the wheel in the opposite direction. The very idea of anyone loving his wife only because she’s the “mother of his child” is abominable. So that is what it is about…a uterus to bear you a child. This is true not just for men, but for women too. By thinking the above, it is implied that you are actually in love (so called) with the physical and not with the mid, like it was intended to be for all humans. What will such a marriage produce?? Peace of mind? No. Security? No. Love? Certainly not! Adultery? Maybe. But adultery would be when you were in love with your spouse in the first place. If there was nothing there…then it’s just good sex. Disgusting?? If there truly was love, the thought of even touching anyone else would be repulsive!! Can’t comprehend how people manage to do it. It is the mind and the person you are in love with…the physical element is just an expression of that love. If it’s only the physical that’s your concern, don’t degrade this concept by calling it love!!