How To Meet Someone Over The Holidays: Listen Carefully
By: Tonja Weimer
When the holidays come around, you may have more opportunities than usual to meet someone. Do you know what people find most attractive in others?
The ability to listen.
Listening is a skill, an art, and a way of life. When singles are good listeners, they become attractive. Men look for women who are gracious listeners. Also, after years of working with single women who would like to find a mate, I have discovered that all of them say, “I would like to find someone to talk to who is a good listener.”
Do you know how to meet someone at a holiday party this year? Have you ever noticed that the most plain, ordinary-looking guy or gal will wind up leaving with someone wonderful? Why them, over someone smarter, better-looking, or more financially successful? Because they were friendly, asked good questions, and listened. Listening fully is when you pay very close, exquisite attention to what is being said, what is going on, and what is happening around you and within you.
Being a good listener can take your life to a new level. Listening fully is one way to meet someone over the holidays. Listening is a rare gift and will draw people to you. The following suggestions can help you develop your Listening I.Q.:
Let go of your judgments.
You don’t have to agree with what someone is saying, but if you let them voice it, they may gain a new perspective. Criticism, hidden agendas of what people are supposed to think and say, and holding a superior attitude can kill communication. Be more like water than ice—receive what is coming to you and absorb it.
Listen with a quiet mind.
If we can keep our mouths shut and channel our efforts into truly trying to understand what the person is saying, we will achieve a connection. When we are quiet, we can also develop our mind to a place that can ask objective questions, which helps us gain a greater clarity. Also, questions like, “Is there evidence that supports this opinion?” and “What exactly does that mean?” help continue the dialogue and interaction.
Listen beyond the speaker.
How many times have you discovered that the kindergarten child had something to say that was penetrating and beyond his years? Or did you notice that the person with a strange accent, or wearing funny clothes, or had an outrageous hairdo, was a blessing to know once you got past your own limitations of how you saw them?
Listen for what’s missing.
Often, it is what someone is not saying that is shouting in our ears—if only we will pay attention. The person who insists they are looking for a committed relationship, but keeps all conversation on the level of the frat house, is telling you something important that you need to be aware of. Translation: they aren’t ready for a relationship.
When we are single, before we find our love, we need to understand a fundamental truth: there is nothing more precious than a person who can truly hear us. Instead of sitting at home hoping True Love will find you this holiday season, pull up the courage to get out there and find the conversations that are waiting for you. You can do it.
Visit http://www.tonjaweimer.com or http://www.singlesdatingtips.com for more tips, skills, and insight on dating, relationships, singles, and love. Subscribe to our F*ree Savvy Dating Newsletter from master single’s coach, life coach, and syndicated columnist, Tonja Weimer. Copyright 2006, Tonja Weimer. (Please note source if reprinting this article.)