Keeping Them An Arm’s Length Away
By: Lesley Moore
Do you keep the people in your life an arms’ length away?
It seems that more and more people are waiting until their mid-thirties to settle into a serious relationship. Perhaps fearing divorce, people seem more skeptical about settling down and seem happy to hit the dating circuit. While I admire people for wanting to wait until they feel more secure with themselves and the relationship, I question the type of dating I have been witnessing. Once-a-week dating. I don’t mean simply going out once a week, but in fact these serious relationships actually consist of seeing each other once a week, for months on end.
I know first hand that dating is difficult as a grown-up. So difficult, that it makes teenage dating almost enviable. Teenagers date in hopes of something serious to come. Adults, especially if coming out of a failed relationship, date a bit more casually. Perhaps what we know and what we have experienced colors what is possible. We fear the vulnerability, the risk taking and ultimately, the rejection (being rejected or rejecting someone else). At times, the sadness you feel or the sadness you inflict is heart breaking enough to make you want to crawl into a cave. Or at least at a minimum, keep everyone else an arms’ length away.
Do you find yourself doubting the relationships in front of you? Do you find you’re most skeptical about the relationships that seem to be the easiest. Do you find yourself peering around every corner, waiting for something to go wrong? If this sounds like something you can relate to, take a step back and look at why you may be doing this.
Is it fear of getting hurt? Fear of hurting someone else? Or is it the anticipation of the relationship not working out at all?
If so, it may be that your efforts to keep the relationship at bay will work, but possibly not as you’d hoped. Fearing a failed relationship before it even fails, will lead to just what you’re trying to avoid…failure. And in the end, you will be left wondering why these relationships aren’t ever evolving into anything.
Spending one day a week with someone will only assure you that you have found someone you can live with occasionally. Yet if you’re looking for someone to spend your life with…you’ll want to focus on finding someone you can’t live without. In order to do that, you will need to relax your arms and incorporate that special someone into your life and into your heart. It won’t guarantee the love of your life, but it will enable you to see if the relationship is a fit…and is one you can’t live without.
Lesley Moore is President and Owner of LifeScope, Life and Executive Coaching. She specializes in working with individuals in transition, empowering them to create a life they love and with professionals to help them bridge the gap between expectation and performance. She is a Freelance Writer and co-author of: 101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life. Lesley graduated from the University of Maryland with a degree in Journalism and has studied coaching through the Mentor Coach Program, which is recognized by the International Coach Federation. For more information about Life and Executive Coaching, visit her website at http://www.LifeScopeCoach.com or e-mail her at lessmore4@comcast.net.