Listen to Your Wife
By: Gene Vasilevsky
Can’t we just listen to them?
The phrase “We have to talk” must be the most dreaded 4 words in an adult relationship. Married or just dating I’m sure you heard them once or twice. So every time you hear it the switch in your head comes on and you think to your self “here it comes” and than there is the conversation. Usually it starts around10 to 10:30 p.m., right before you have to go to sleep. You know that this conversation will not end on a good note because the “We have to talk” phrase sums it up. It’s not going to be pretty. Immediately you look at the clock and start thinking, it is 10:30 p.m., if this is over in half an hour I will get my 7 hours of sleep. Before you know it’s midnight and the conversation is still going. Now one and a half hours later you’re half asleep but still fighting for you life. You feel this whole conversation is pointless and you already said the things you will regret in the morning. So why is it when your wife or girlfriend mentions anything about a conversation we get defensive?
I’m 31 and married man. My wife just gave birth to my first son and our lives just changed for ever. My daily schedule is probably similar to every working guy out there. I get up around 6 in the morning, feed the baby (he is 12 weeks old), play with him for about 30 minutes and try to put him to sleep. When my son is sleeping or just kicking around in his crib I take a shower and get dressed. Around 7:30 the nanny shows up and my next step is to take my dog out for a walk. Most of the time, after my morning shift, I get out of the house around 8. I go to work and come home around 6. When I walk through the door the baby is handed to me before I get a chance to take off my shoes, the 3rd shift starts. I feed the baby, rock him to sleep and take the dog for a walk. Around 8 at night, after a long day at work, I get to sit down on the couch, that is typically my week, Monday through Friday. During the weekend I hang out with my family, my son, wife and dog, run errands and watch Football on Sundays. Life got very monotonous, but that’s what most of us go through.
Here is the problem: My wife feels that we are or will soon drift apart because we’re too busy for each other. Don’t get me wrong I love my wife and like to spend time with her but when my daily chores are over all I want to do is just sit down somewhere, anywhere will do. So the issue is that I don’t pay enough attention to her. She feels that we’re having problems. That’s why: “We have to talk”.
What do I do after I hear that phrase? I get upset. How can we talk when I just sat down for the first time tonight? Initially, for the first minute or two, I try to listen to her. Later I feel like I’m a victim and get defensive. I don’t know what to do.
So, why can’t we just let them speak their mind and be done with it? Is there something wrong with us men that we jump down their throats every time we hear that phrase?
I have no idea. I just know that the fighting and arguing approach doesn’t work.
If only I listened to her I would not be half awake right now.
I’m a 31 year old married man with a 12 week old son.