Marriage Musts - Owning Your Problems
By: Brandi Simon
My husband cheated on me multiple times. It’s really easy to bet bogged down in thinking that because of his terrible actions that all the problems in the marriage are his fault. However; when faced with this betrayal it’s very important to own your own responsibilities for the problems in the marriage. If you don’t then you are destined to fail.
I’m going to tell you unequivocally that unless you mend the issues in your marriage your husband is more susceptible to another affair and dare I say it, so are you! Repairing the issues in your marriage, or any relationship for that matter, starts with YOU. You can not control what another person thinks, feels, or does, however; you can control those thoughts, feelings, and actions of your own.
You probably will not be able to move past the affair until you begin to resolve your other marital issues. When you finally understand that the issues in your marriage are what caused your spouse to stray you will be able to begin working on fixing the areas in your marriage that need to be repaired. As you repair those areas you will begin to move past the affair because you will have some security in knowing that the areas that made it easy for your spouse to stray are now repaired and those are no longer an issue.
Most problem areas will be about one of the basic needs. This is where you should concentrate your efforts. You can do this even without the participation of you wayward spouse. Make a game out of finding out what your spouse’s most important needs are and meeting those needs. I’m quite certain that after a couple of weeks of having his needs met that your spouse will notice the difference in you and the changes that you are making. They will become more open to actually working on the marriage with you.
It is possible to keep your marriage even with only one person doing the work.
Brandi Simon is the owner of Marital Matters where she offers articles and information for those suffering the effects of an extramarital affair and other relationship issues. Brandi is an affair survivor who has successfully rebuilt her marriage from the ashes and offers advice to those who are recovering. To learn more about the website or Brandi, please visit Marital Matters.