Not all Security Threats are Created Equal
By: Chris Cihlar
Causing a major security scare which results in the evacuation of a train station, the cordoning off of a mall or the grounding of an airplane is not nearly as hard as it used to be. In the post 9-11 world security has been operating at a heightened state of alert and these sorts of events have become common place. Yet not all security threats are created equal. Some are caused by something so ridiculous, some act or occurrence so boneheadly stupid they can hardly be believed. These deserve special recognition and while many vied for inclusion here the eight described below stand out from the rest of the pack as the most outlandish breaches of security in the post 9-11 world.
• On May 9, 2006 hazardous material crews were called to the Vietnam Memorial in Washington D.C. to investigate suspicious powder that was discovered scattered around the memorial. The area around the memorial was promptly shut down and officials wearing bio-hazard suits moved in. There was however no cause for alarm. It seems someone spread what are believed to be human ashes around the memorial. According to D.C. Fire and EMS spokesman Alan Etter, the placing of human ashes on public property is not legal.
• The scattering of ashes were also behind a far bigger scare in 2002. This one resulted in the closure of Seattle, Washington air space and the cordoning off of an entire neighborhood. It seems that a devoted Seattle Mariner fan’s dying wish was to have his ashes scattered over the team’s baseball field. When friends tried to oblige by dropping a bag of his ashes over the stadium, things did not go as planned. Instead of the bag opening high in the air as was intended the bag instead hit the ground intact. This on the same day FBI officials warned the public terrorists might use small planes in attacks.
• Airline passengers at Mackay airport in Australia were delayed for more than 30 minutes on October 4, 2004 when buzzing from a trashcan caused security alarms to go off. No bomb was found. Instead it seems a male passenger threw a vibrator into a garbage can before boarding a flight to Brisbane. Bomb experts were about to be summoned when the humiliated passenger stepped forward and explained the situation.
• In Scotland, shortly after the London bombings in 2005, passengers on a train en route to Edinburg were alarmed when a noxious odor began spreading throughout one of the cars. The odor was traced to a box in an overhead compartment and a full fledged security alert was issued. Passengers were evacuated and the train secured by emergency response units. The culprit? A pair of very well used tennis shoes.
• In Florida there is a punk rock band with the name, “This bike is a pipe bomb.” When an officer at Ohio University spotted a bike in March of 2006 chained near a restaurant the surrounding area was cordoned off and part of the university was closed for several hours. Despite assurances from the bike’s owner that the sticker was referring to a rock band and not a real bomb the $800 bicycle was destroyed by the Columbus, Ohio bomb squad and the graduate student arrested for inducing panic. Charges were eventually dropped and the student reimbursed for the bike.
• While abandoned automobiles commonly cause security alerts all over the world, in May of 2005 an abandoned U-Haul on the Brooklyn Bridge caused the bridge’s closure for more than two hours. While traffic backed up throughout New York City, police worked to determine what, if any, threat existed. Eventually they concluded the U-Haul was not carrying a bomb and that it was likely the truck’s drivers had simply abandoned the vehicle when they realized it was higher than the bridges stated height requirements.
• In March of 2005 German post office employees became alarmed when a package began vibrating and called police. The postal facility was evacuated and police dragged the package’s sender down to the station to explain the piece of offending mail. It turns out the sender was returning a life size female sex doll that, “kept turning itself on at the wrong moment”.
• And the award for the most boneheadly stupid way to cause a major security scare goes to the LA Times and the promotional department of the third installment of the Mission Impossible movie franchise. In April of 2006 the groups paired up to place digital musical devices inside LA Times news paper boxes. These devices were designed to play the “Mission Impossible” theme song when the rack’s door was opened. Unfortunately, many Times patrons mistook the wires leading to the switch on the news racks for bombs and called police. Several areas surrounding the 4500 boxes rigged with the devices were evacuated and the Los Angeles County Arson department even blew one up before being notified that all of the panic was the result of a publicity stunt gone awry.
Christopher Cihlar is the author of the recently released Broadway Books (Random House) title “The Grilled Cheese Madonna and 99 Other
of the Weirdest, Wackiest, Most Famous
eBay Auctions Ever!”
He can be reached at chris @ grilledcheesemadonna.com
http://www.grilledcheesemadonna.com