Parents and Children Relationship
By: Shariq Ali
In a village, in the Jhang district, there lived a boy who was not only brilliant but also hardworking. He had the ambition of becoming an engineer. He strived hard to attain his goal, and acclaimed the second position in the board examination in Metric. Thereafter, his parents forced him to take admission in premedical colleges, as they wanted to see their son as a doctor in the future. Although this was not his dream, he still tried hard to attain a good position in the FSC examination. He appeared for the entrance exam, but did not qualify in the admission tests for joining the medical college. He had no idea of what his family’s reaction which was far from being sympathetic. Instead it was very painful and hostile. Badly hurt and tortured from his family’s behavior, he went into a state of severe depression. He ran away from home, and came to Lahore. He had lost the reason to live, and wanted to end his life. He has killed his dreams and his own desires just to fulfill his parent’s wishes, but what he got in return was just abhorrence and loathing.
This is not just the story of this boy, but it’s the story of a million people in our country. The millions, who we meet, see and know…Some of them are our own children, brothers or sisters. We maybe the guardians and the parents of our children, but must allow them to dream and try to help them attain their goals. Of course we love our children, and go to the extents of fulfilling their every demand, but we must also allow them to think on their own, make decisions on their own. Parents must mould the character of their children in such a way, that the child never goes astray, never does anything which is wrong. We must try to teach them about the good and the bad. But after a certain point of time, we must allow them to pave their own roads.
If you ask a Psychologist, what causes maximum destruction of one’s personality, he will tell you that an unfulfilled dream can cause major trouble in the behavior as well as physical health of a person. His decision making capabilities are destroyed. A dream is something very important to all of us. Taking away that dream weakens the personality. A child must allow to dream and to pursue his/her dream. It will take him/her to top levels; otherwise he/she will remain average or may even fail. It will construct the personality, build the character and keep a person sane. It is now proven that one almost always excel in the field of his/her choice.
Whenever our children need our help or support, we must be there for them, and can advice them about what they must do, but never force our ideas on them, never make them feel alone. We are here to fulfill our dreams. We must allow our children to dream and pursue their dreams, even if it’s not what we desire. We all love our children a great deal, but we must help them find their own happiness, not by forcing them to do as we want, but always being with them and helping them when they need our support.
Most parents force their children into becoming a doctor or an engineer, so that they may live happily later in their lives, but “happiness” is not a material thing, nor does anyone acquire happiness from material gains. Happiness is a state of mind, which is established when we can do what we want to do, and are able to live up to our own dreams. We can help our children find their true self. We must allow them to think and walk on their own feet. I know a Girl who is a doctor and presently teaching in a medical college. She earns a good salary, and is in a very respectable profession, but this was not her own wish and she is still unsatisfied. Her wish was to become a Fashion Designer, but she was forced to do her MBBS because her parents wished she must be a doctor. Hence after returning from the college, she goes for fashion designing classes. She said that she feels that a big part of her life has been wasted. She said that she feels that she has not done anything in her life. She feels, she has not “Lived”. She told me when she will do what she always wanted, only then she will feel that she has really lived.
Every child in the world is unique, all have their unique abilities. As a parent, we must help our children discover their abilities, not enforce our wishes on them. There is an old and famous saying,”Happiness is a state of mind”. So, mind will only feel fulfilled when it is allowed to do what it always wanted.
Shariq Ali