Relationship Advice: B is for Better
By: Jeff Herring
For years Ann Landers had a great response to readers that asked if she thought that they should get a divorce. Ann’s question was:
“Are you better off with him or without him?”
Sure cuts to the chase doesn’t it?
A slightly different question
Often in my counseling/coaching office and in my writing, I like to take that question and turn it on its head. The best way I can demonstrate this is by offering the following quote by Richard Needham about marriage:
“You don’t marry one person; you marry three: the person you think they are, the person they are, and the person they are going to become as the result of being married to you.”
That should stop you in your tracks.
What this question suggests is that instead of asking the question “Am I better off with or without my partner?” we would do well to ask “Is my partner better off with or without me?”
Some tough questions
How has your partner benefited from being with you? Have they grown into the best possible version of themselves? Are you helping them grow or are you in the way?
If you really want to go out on a limb and get gutsy, you could ask your partner to answer these questions for you.
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