Relationship Advice: D is for Disillusionment
By: Jeff Herring
Falling in love is so much fun. It just feels so good.
If only the high lasted the entire relationship. The high naturally subsides. In long term relationships this will usually lead to disillusionment.
Hitting the wall
Just about every couple I see in my office or on the phone have hit the wall of disillusionment. It often gets expressed in these words:
“Who are you and what have you done with the person I fell in love with?”
If you do not get anything else from this article, get this - the is a normal process and event in long term relationships.
What to do
The most important thing is not that this disillusionment happens, but how you handle it. Here are some important strategies for how to respond to hitting the wall of disillusionment.
1. Realize, get it, that this is normal. When you do this, you can take away the panic and power.
2. Think back to what first attracted you to this person in the beginning of the relationship. This goes under the heading of “when you are up to your ass in alligators it’s hard to remember that your original intention was to drain the swamp.”
You need to shift your focus here by getting reacquainted with the positives of this person.
3. Talk about it. What we don’t talk about, we act out. While it may be difficult, have the conversation. You can start by saying “I’m really worried by how far apart we are. Can we talk about this?”
If you cannot talk this out on your own, it’s time to find a good relationship coach or counselor.
Remember, hitting the disillusionment wall is normal. What counts is what you do about it.
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