Relationship Advice: Do Little White Lies Help or Hurt Your Relationship?
By: Jeff Barnet
Do you know how sometimes people tell little white lies to keep from hurting someone or to avoid confrontation? Read on to find out how those little white lies can destroy your relationship.
Digging a pit for yourself
Lying to your spouse, no matter what the motivation, is digging a pit for yourself.
It is crucial to be honest in your communication. Most people have good intentions when they lie about small issues; they don’t want to hurt their spouse’s feelings. However, if your spouse discovers your dishonesty, then their trust in you will be undermined.
One wife said, “You have been lying to me about all these little things. How do I know you are not lying about bigger things?” Your pit has now become a crater.
The case of lemon chicken
There is a classic example of this in the television sitcom, Everybody Loves Raymond. When Raymond and Debra are dating, she cooks lemon chicken for him. He tells her how much he liked it and that he could eat it for the rest of his life.
Years later, Debra learns that he really dislikes lemon chicken. She is more hurt by the fact that he lied to her than the fact the he did not like the chicken.
From the pit to the crater
If you are not comfortable telling the truth about little things, then how will you tell the truth about major problems.
For example, I have seen many couples be dishonest about money. Some women hide new clothes, because it was not in the budget. At the other extreme, I know men who did not tell their wives they were having financial trouble until after the vehicles were repossessed. Not only is this unfair to your partner, but it erodes trust and may take years to repair the damage.
The crater can swallow you up
It is not always easy to be honest with our spouse. Most of the time, we are sparing their feelings or avoiding confrontation.
However, lying is toxic to a trusting relationship. The crater will swallow you up. Instead, commit to telling the truth.
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