Relationship Advice: Poor Communication Maybe Killing Your Marriage
By: Jeff Barnet
Do you know how couples attack each other instead of attacking the problem? Poor communication can kill your marriage.
One of the most common communication mistakes is character assassination. This means that people get into name calling instead of resolving the problem.
Words are like bullets
Many couples use their words like bullets targeted toward their spouse’s heart. The names start flying and people get hurt.
Instead of communicating, the reverse starts to happen and they are tearing down their marriage. This does not resolve any problems, but creates more pain. Instead of energy being directed toward positive solutions, it is misdirected toward attacking their partner.
Verbal warfare
When counseling couples, I often hear name-calling like “you are so stupid” or “you never do anything right”. This really goes to the heart and inflicts deep wounds.
A lot of people do this as a defense. They perceive that they are being attacked, so they feel like they have to defend themselves. But if you are on the receiving end of someone defending himself what does it sound like? You are being attacked! So couples are attacking each other. This can become a destructive cycle.
Words direct a relationship’s course
There is a passage in the Bible that compares our tongue, which means our words and communication, to a rudder on a ship (James 3:4-5). Though a small part of the ship, it will control the entire direction of the ship. Character assassination sets a course toward a stormy marriage and the ship can end up on the rocks.
Steer clear of the rocks
In order to navigate away from the dangerous rocks, focus on attacking the problem instead of your mate.
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