Relationship Advice: To Honor, Comply or Complain
By: Jeff Herring
Relationships are tough enough without all the reactivity that comes with them. One of the situations in which it is so easy to get reactive is when a request is made that you do or not do something.
It occurred to me in a couples coaching session today that there are at least three responses we can make to a request from our partner. We’ll take a look at the two negative ones and take a look at the winning approach.
Three responses to a request
Complain - This is the worst response. I like to call it P & M, which stand for Pissing and Moaning, which is what a lot of people do. Creates an atmosphere of tension, conflict and reactivity.
Comply - Better than complaining, but not by much. We comply when we really don’t want to do something yet believe we have to or believe we should. Sets up a “grit your teeth and bare it” kind of atmosphere.
Honor - Sometimes when I want to explain what a word means I’ll check out at dictionary.com, which tells us this about the word honor:
“high respect, as for worth, merit, or rank: to be held in honor.”
So when we honor the request of our partner, we are demonstrating high respect and worth.
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