Relationship Advice: Why Brad and Jen Broke Up and What We Can Learn from Them
By: Jeff Herring
It’s been a few months since the riveting headlines: The Dream Couple, Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston broke up. The fall out from this celebrity break up is still plastered all over the magazine headlines.
Parade magazine recently took a poll asking for the number one celebrity shocker of the year. And who’d-a-thunk-it, Brad and Jen’s breakup was the number one rated celebrity shocker of the year.
How could this be? This is the dream couple who have everything going for them:
Money, fame, fortune, looks, glamour, celebrity.
How could this happen?
Because fame, fortune, looks, glamour, and celebrity do not sustain a relationship.
A good fit and a good connection make for a sustainable relationship.
What Makes for a Good Fit?
So what makes for a good fit? Just three things are needed to make a good fit – requirements, needs and wants.
For a relationship to work and be sustainable long term, there must be a good fit between the requirements, needs, and wants of the two people.
Requirements
Simply stated, a requirement is “a gotta have.” A requirement is a deal breaker. The relationships will not work if this is not present. There is no room for compromise.
For example, if one person wants children and the other one does not, that’s a deal breaker. You cannot compromise here because you cannot have half a child.
If you are not sure if something is a requirement for you, ask yourself this question “If I was with Brad Pitt/Jennifer Anniston, and everything else was great, but this one thing was not there, would the relationship work?”
If the answer is no, then it is a requirement. If the answer is a serious yes, then it is a need.
Needs
Needs are similar to, yet different from requirements. Needs can be negotiated. There is room for compromise and negotiation.
For example, if you have a strong desire for time alone, you can negotiate the what, when, where of alone time.
There are two types of needs, functional and emotional. Functional needs are things that need to happen in a relationship, like saving money, keeping the house clean, or having sex three times a week. Emotional needs are something you need to experience to feel loved by the other person, such as security or appreciation.
Wants
A want is the gravy in a relationship, the icing on the cake. Wants are things that make the relationship fun.
Most people become attracted to each other based on wants and desires, and needs and even requirements are ignored. In a successful relationship, there is alignment between the wants and needs of both people.
An alignment of requirements and needs between two people is what makes for a successful and happy long term relationship.
And all the glamour, good looks, fame and fortune of a Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston won’t be enough if the good fit is not there.
Jeff Herring coaches singles and couples to live the life they love with the love of their life. Jeff is also a speaker and syndicated relationship columnist in newspapers all over the world. For more tips and coaching for your relationship, and to sign up for the free weekly internet newsletter “Great Relationships Tip of the Week” Jeff invites you to visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com