Relationship– Delicate and Dedicate
By: Sri Nachimuthu
Salutations to those of my loved ones, who made me, feel them
as my resources, rather than liabilities. Relationships we have
in this world are explained in different ways. Some explain
them as headache and some as caretakers and some even don’t
know who they are all. But to say truly relationships we have in
this world are resources, for us to benefit together. So such
relationships are like a vast land, which should be nurtured
and/or managed properly. If left uncultivated weeds and other
wanted things grow in the uncultivated land, and we cannot
enjoy the fruit out of it.
The main key to relationships is the Reciprocity/ Mutuality
i.e. Give and take. The relationship will not be smooth when
always one person gives or receives. In any relationship, we
should exchange the currency of what each other’s value.
Nurturing relationship can be done by caring, sharing and
loving. This nurturing can be done keeping in touch with our
loved ones, sharing with them at least some time with them, and
one should never show oneself to be too busy that he cannot
spend at least few minutes with them. Relationship thus is a
function of co-operation and communication.
Always in relationships some friction and misunderstanding
occurs. It is natural. But in such a situation, always any one
should come forward and take initiative to put an end to it or
else if left unattended, the relationship will be there just
for namesake. Even if attended, if taken to a third person for
solving the situation it still gets worsened and this small
reason is enough to create a crack in the relationship. So in
such a crisis it is better to lose ones pride to the one we
love, than to lose the one we love due to the pride. In our
life there are very rare chances that we will meet a person,
whom we love and loves us in return. So just for the sake of
small mishaps or faults never abandon your loved ones, because
you may never get a person who can replace their position.
Always in relationships, look in to one’s own faults and good
thing in others. In love relationships it always happens that
we expect a lot from our loved ones and we generally possess
the possessiveness for him/her. This possessiveness should
always be handled carefully, because it will make our loved
ones feel more restricted and denied of his/her freedom to be
what they wanted to be. This further might aggravate the
suspicious tendency that he/she will leave us and go. So we try
to protect them by trying to be more caring and loving. But
when we confront someone with whom our loved ones are quite
close and friendly, we conform that they will move away and we
tend to avoid and withdraw from them.
Later this avoidance and withdrawal will be interpreted as
being abandoned and a long communication gap will be created.
Thus from avoiding and disliking the actions of the person will
get converted into dislike towards that person as such. This
process can be represented diagrammatically as:
Closeness—Expectations—Disappointment—Mourning–Yearning
for the loved ones–Frustration—Aggression—Hatred towards
that person’s act—Withdrawal—Avoidance–Disparity—Hatred
towards that person…(not totally, because it is not possible)
Sometimes a clash between two close persons may be loved ones
or friends might result in slightly different form and they
might be separated. In such a case it will be too worse because
each other know about the other persons’ strength and weakness.
It can be represented diagrammatically as:
Closeness—Expectations—Disappointment—Mourning————
–Frustration—Aggression—Withdrawal—Avoidance–Do what
that person doesn’t like–Join with those he/she doesn’t like—
–Two groups formed—Politics and war of ego starts
Though love is an irresistible desire to be desired
irresistibly, try to handle it carefully and delicately.
Respect each other’s emotions and feelings and let them free
and do not try to find fault with them and hurt them. Every one
of us should remember this, “DO NOT HURT THE LOVE THAT LOVES
YOU AND DO NOT LOVE THE LOVE THAT HURTS YOU”. If handling
people is understood then life in this earth will be happy and
peaceful and we can make a heaven out of this present world.
By P. Nachimuthu