Relationship Out of Focus Leads to Fallout
By: Ted Segura
When couples focus on the small details in a marriage, the relationship seems to start going awry. You begin to have marriage troubles Many urgent but not important activities set in and distract them. Phone calls, people dropping in to deliver things or just to chat, bills that are becoming due, appointments with the doctor, dentist, the vet. There are always things that need to be done, things that need immediate attention.
Then there are petty arguments that set in. “Why did you buy that item without consulting with me? Why do you need to go out bowling again? You never stay home or you prefer to be out with your friends or colleagues”
These are normal day-to-day happenings but do you feel your blood pressure going up? How about that stress level, is it rising? Then you start raising your voice at your partner, arguments ensue and nerves are frayed.
These things happen when the relationship gets out of focus. When the couples get carried away with all the details in relationship, the more important aspects like building the relationship is set aside.
But you will say that we need to do the things mentioned earlier. We need to go to the cleaners, take the trash out, pay the bills, etc. etc. etc.
Yes, these activities are urgent and even important and they need to be done.
However, pausing from all these activities to build the relationship is what we are talking about. It is focusing on what is truly important. It is building the foundation for a strong and lasting relationship. Its about avoiding marriage troubles.
What does it take to make the relationship solid? It’s really simple, it’s setting aside time to spend together, pausing during the day to have a cup of coffee to share some moments of the day alone with each other. These are at the core of the relationship.
We need to go back to what’s important. It’s not the activities. It’s focusing on each other on certain times of the day. To go back to reason we had the relationship in the first place. It’s telling each other that we love one another. It’s reassuring each other of the love that we have for each other.
It does not matter if these reminders are done early in the morning or late at night. We need to pause from all the activities of the day to tell our partner that we love him or her.
There is a great temptation to “dump” the whole day’s problems, worries and concerns to our partner at the end of the day. We need to learn to leave the concerns of the office – at the office where they belong. Instead, we can talk about the positive things that happened during the day, the small victories, the achievements of the children, the neighbor whose day was made when we complemented them. These build the relationship. The problems, worries and concerns in the office can be handled when we get back to the office the next day. Again, “dumping” them on our spouse will not help the relationship a bit. This will lead to marriage troubles.
Focus on what’s important, focus on the positive aspects of your relationship, edify each other, and build each other up. Strengthen that bond of love between you and your spouse. Work on that relationship; work on what’s important… your love for each other.
Ted and Christine Segura have been involved in the topic of relationships for several years. They are seriously involved in an organization that helps couples and families in the areas of family life and enhancing relations. They can be contacted at www.idealfamilylife.com
Ted and Christine Segura have been involved in the topic of relationships and are in an organization that helps couples and families in the areas of family life and enhancing relations. They can be contacted at http://www.idealfamilylife.com