Resolving Conflicts - The Other Person is Never the Problem
By: Charles Cuninghame
In relationships, blaming is often the first line of defence. When things start to go wrong it seems it’s always the other person’s fault: “he comes over to my place and in five minutes it’s all messed up,” or “she spends all her money on clothes and wants me to pay for all our dates”.
Conflict is inevitable in any relationship - you are two separate people with different wants and needs, so friction is bound to arise. The challenge of any relationship is how to resolve conflict in an effective way. In fact, resolving conflicts and moving forward is guaranteed to strengthen the relationship and deepen intimacy.
So before you go blaming your partner for the sad state of your relationship, ask yourself what’s your role in the conflict? How are you responding to the problem? You can never control another person or know what they are thinking. The only thing you can control is your own behaviour.
You always have choices and there many ways of tackling any problem: you can ignore it and hope it will go away, stop seeing the person, bring it up in front of their friends or erupt in righteous anger. But this will probably lead to more hostility, ill will and unhappiness.
The best way to deal with any conflict is to tell the other person how you feel about it, without blaming them. Explain what’s going on for you: “I really like to keep a tidy house and when you come over and dump all your dirty clothes all over the place it makes me angry” or “Listen honey, I really enjoy treating you to dinner and stuff, but I can’t afford to pay for you every time we go out”.
If you take responsibility for your feelings and your role in the situation it makes it easier for the other person to take your point of view on board. Remember, there’s no right or wrong way of doing it, as long you are speaking your truth.
Charles Cuninghame is a website copywriter and SEO copywriter in Sydney, Australia. Find out more about Charles at text-centric.com