Secrets We Keep From Those We Love
By: Timothy Cole
Everyone keeps a few secrets from their romantic partners. And people keep their secrets for a lot of reasons. Often people are embarrassed or they are fearful of a partner’s hostility or possible rejection.
And research shows that it is in one’s best interest to keep some things private, especially when partners are likely to respond poorly to the truth. Being rejected, scorned, or stigmatized does not help any one work through a serious issue.
But, keeping secrets can also be harmful.
Keeping secrets often prevents people from dealing with the problem at hand. Keeping secrets leads to increased stress, anxiety, and it often makes people think about the issue (event or topic) more frequently.
For instance, people who have a secret crush on someone often dwell on their feelings more than people who are able to talk about their feelings out in the open. More often than not, keeping something secret makes it seem more important than it really is.
Likewise, revealing secrets is very helpful when it is done right; that is, in a safe, non-judgmental environment. Revealing secrets can reduce stress, it helps people let go of an issue and think about it more clearly.
If a secret is bothering you, it really does help to get it out - as long people don’t respond negatively or use the information against you.
In fact, research shows that the simple task of writing down a secret, even if no one ever reads it, makes people feel better. Writing a secret down reduces stress - it is cathartic.
With this in mind, we have created a place where people can anonymously reveal their secrets and see the kinds of secrets that others are keeping (see, www.truthaboutdeception.com).
Maybe you will find that letting go of one of your own secrets is helpful and not so embarrassing after all.
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Article by Timothy Cole, PhD. Take a look at the secrets people keep from their romantic partners at http://www.truthaboutdeception.com