Some Thoughts About Being a Godly Wife
By: Susan Godfrey
Not too long ago, I was in a really bad place. Marty and I were constantly fighting and were not communicating at all. We were both holding in hurt and resentment until one of us would explode into a major fight. A lot of hurtful things were said by us both. We were on the verge of divorce. Something had to give! I prayed and prayed about it and came to realize that I could not change Marty, I could only change myself.
So, I started looking to God’s Word for instructions on how to be the wife the Lord wanted me to be. I was never taught submission growing up, nor was I taught that my husband was my head. But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman [is] the man; and the head of Christ [is] God. ~ I Corinthians 11:3 . One day I ran across a book at the discount Bible store that started me on the right road. I found more and more. I searched God’s Word for the answers and I found them!
Since then, I am beginning to find the joy in being Marty’s wife. I let go the past. I let go my troubles and worries. I stopped trying to control every aspect of my life. I let go and let God take control. It was hard. I was afraid to let go, afraid of feeling out of control. But the funny thing is, the more I let go, the less fearful I became. The more I trusted God, the more joyful I felt. I still fall back into old patterns from time to time, but I’m doing better obeying God everyday. Each day is a new beginning.
I think my biggest fault was selfishness. Life wasn’t going as I planned it to. My will for my life did not match up with God’s will for my life. I selfishly thought I could have my own way. I was angry and frustrated that things were not going my way. Me! Me! Me! Me! I had to “put on” selflessness and “put off” selfishness. I had to live my life according to the Lord’s will, not mine.
I have learned that God commands wives to be submissive, to be in subjection to their husbands. Webster’s 1828 Dictionary defines Submissive and Subjection like this: SUBMIS’SION, n. [L. submissio, from submitto.] 1. The act of submitting; the act of yielding to power or authority; surrender of the person and power to the control or government of another. 2. Acknowledgment of inferiority or dependence; humble or suppliant behavior. 3. Acknowledgment of a fault; confession or error. 4. Obedience; compliance with the commands or laws of a superior. Submission of children to their parents is an indispensable duty. 5. Resignation; a yielding of one’s will to the will or appointment of a superior without murmuring. Entire and cheerful submission to the will of God is a Christian duty of prime excellence. SUBJECTION, n. 1. The act of subduing; the act of vanquishing and bringing under the dominion of another. 2. The state of being under the power, control and government of another. The safety of life, liberty, and property depends on our subjection to the laws. The isles of the West Indies are held in subjection to the powers of Europe. Our appetites and passions should be in subjection to our reason, and our will should be in entire subjection to the laws of God.
As a Christian I cannot pick and choose which commands of God I wish to follow. I must follow all His commands. I mast make a conscious decision every day to follow God’s commands. I must make my will God’s will.
I no longer expect Marty to meet all my needs. NO one can do that except the Lord. He knows what I really need before I even ask. He will supply me with all that I need. I should be content with what He chooses to give me, no matter how great or small it is. The is such a joy in contentment!
I have also learned not to trust my emotions, they can be so misleading. I really believe that Satan attacks many women’s faith through their emotions. The only thing you can truly trust in is God’s grace and unfailing love.
By being in submission to my husband, I am in compliance with God’s Word. My primary ministry is to Marty. God tells us that our husbands are our heads and that we should submit to them as we would submit to the Lord. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. ~ Ephesians 5:22 . My relationship with the Lord comes first, then my relationship with Marty. All other relationships come after the Lord and Marty.
I pray daily for Marty. I have found that this makes all the difference. I don’t pray about all the long list of faults that run through my head. God knows Marty’s faults better than me. Instead I pray: (1.) That Marty is in a right relationship with the Lord. (2.) That the Lord does His will through Marty. (3.) That the Lord guides Marty to make the right decisions. I also pray daily for myself. I pray: (1.) That the Lord changes my heart so that I can be in a right relationship with Him. (2.) That the Lord shows me how I can please Him. (3.) That the Lord shows me areas in my life where I am sinning or being disobedient. I cannot worry about Marty’s sins, I must only contemplate mine. It is so important to make my marriage a regular matter of prayer.
When I approach Marty with a problem, I must do so in a humble manner. I choose a time when he is relaxed and ready to give me his full attention. I think about what I’m going to say beforehand. I try to be specific and offer Scriptural reasons and solutions. I pray before I speak and proceed with a loving attitude.
God does not give us more than we can bear. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. ~ Philippians 4:13. He is always by my side. When I think I can no longer walk, He carries me. Living and serving the Lord is a voluntary act. It is a decision I make everyday. Every day I must decide again to take up my cross and follow Him. Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any [man] will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. ~ Matthew 16:24. True submission to the Lord and Marty brings incredible joy. I love God and Marty by being submissive to them.
God uses my trials, troubles and fears for my good. God uses these things to help me to grow and mature as a Christian. It’s my choice whether or not to respond to them in a Biblical manner. We are all sinners and failures, but God loved us so much that He gave us His only Son to be sin for us. But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. ~ Romans 5:8. Success comes only with obedience to God’s commands.
I don’t know if I have been much help, but I have written what the Lord has impressed upon my heart. I have found the following books really helpful in these matters
The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace
A Wife After God’s Own Heart by Elizabeth George
Becoming a Titus 2 Woman by Martha Peace
Sarah’s Daughters by Genevieve White
Created to be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl
~ Susan Godfrey is a Christian wife, mom and homemaker. She is also the owner of Homekeeper’s Heart, http://www.freewebtown.com/homekeepersheart, a Titus 2 Ministry to encourage Christian women to be the wives, mothers and homemakers that God wants them to be! She has her own blog at http://www.susangodfrey.blogspot.com and also is the owner of the Homesteader’s Heart Blog at http://www.homesteadersheart.blogspot.com where she shares homesteading, gardening and country living articles.