Starting Over After Divorce
By: Tonja Weimer
Starting over after divorce can be overwhelming. How do you learn to date again? What steps do you take to create a social life? What can you do to start your life over and not make the same mistakes you made in the past?
Men and women lose at least half of their social network when they get divorced. Their relationships with relatives, in-laws, neighbors, work colleagues, and spousal friends all shift and change. It takes determination to start building new social connections when you are alone and starting over.
Here are Five Tips to help you start over.
1. Mourning the loss of a marriage is necessary. Following that, you need to find ways to get positive.
Therapy and counseling can help. Give yourself at least a year to mend. Eventually, there comes a point when you need to change your focus. Think about what you have always wanted to do and where you have always wanted to go. Take one specific talent and polish it. Instead of dwelling on what went wrong in your life, start looking at what you have going for you.
2. Date cautiously.
The danger in the awkward pre-dating state is that you can get into a mini-marriage (a relationship that is exclusive but not committed) before you really know the person. After one or two dates, you could start seeing a person out of habit and loneliness without thinking it through. Then, you will not be available to find the love you have always wanted. When you go out, stay open to meeting lots of people, and try not to get hooked up with just one person yet.
3. Plan your weekends.
When you are alone on the weekends, you are vulnerable. Plan ahead. Call a cousin, or your mother, father, sister, brother, uncles, aunts, or nieces and nephews. You have someone in your life you can take places with you who will not look like a date, no matter what gender they are. Always have a plan for something on the weekend.
4. Find something new to do that you love.
Nothing revitalizes our life like doing activities that we love. When you do this, you will become more attractive, and will find it easier to meet others. What have you always wanted to do and kept putting off? If you don’t know where to start, pick up an adult school catalog and plan from there.
5. Visualize.
Before you go to sleep at night and before you start your day in the morning, visualize how you want your day to be. Following that, picture how you would love for your life to look all the time. What do you want to do in your work and what kind of relationships do you want around you? Picture yourself with all the love and attention you want and need.
You can build a new and wonderful life. Starting over starts with taking one step at a time. You can do it!
Visit http://www.tonjaweimer.com or http://www.singlesdatingtips.com
for more tips, skills, and insight on dating, relationships, singles, and love. Subscribe to our F*ree Savvy Dating Newsletter from master single’s coach, life coach, and syndicated columnist, Tonja Weimer. Copyright 2006, Tonja Weimer. (Please note source if reprinting this article.)