Stress Management: How To Choose A Mate Without Getting Stressed Out
By: Tonja Weimer
Do you know the factors that glue couples together, and what causes others to fall apart? Does the thought of choosing a life partner give you a lot of stress?
Twenty percent of all first marriages fail within five years of the wedding date. Ultimately, over time, the divorce rate becomes fifty percent. If you are stressed, you have some valid statistics to back up your feelings.
Here is a way to manage your stress when looking at a potential mate. Take a step back and look at these five major areas:
* Self awareness.
If you are living from your strengths, giving your attention to your emotional, physical, financial, and spiritual needs, and staying connected to those who matter to you, you are standing on a solid base. Rarely do any of us have all of these areas together, but to be aware of them and to be working toward them puts you way ahead towards creating a successful union.
* Requirements.
It is essential that you become clear about the qualities you absolutely must have or cannot put up with in another. Most relationships fail because both people discovered too late that the other one had traits they could not live with. Take some time and make a list of the top ten non-negotiable requirements you have to have in a partner. If you know your requirements, you will reduce your stress considerably.
* Character assessment.
Integrity is the foundation for a relationship that lasts. You need to be watchful for the signs that reveal if someone lies, cheats, steals, or has addiction problems. Be aware also of the red flags of someone with a volatile temperament. Uncontrollable anger is a large reason for relationship failure. A relationship with someone with a poor character will never work until they seek and get help for their problems.
* Attitude.
Having a similar attitude about life is helpful. Negativity, “poor me,” arrogance, a chip on the shoulder, and an attitude of entitlement (the world owes me) are all signs of problems just waiting to happen.
* Equality.
This area can cover a wide range of values and interests. Major ones to look for are intellect, education, and religious background and practices. You may not need your future partner to make as much money as you do or to be as successful at their work, but it may be essential that you share an equal intellect so you can have conversations that will last a lifetime.
If you want to manage your stress while you are dating and searching for a life partner, look to the above qualities for clarity. Chemistry and good looks may initially attract you, and definitely can be important, but the values listed above must also be present.
Visit http://www.tonjaweimer.com or http://www.singlesdatingtips.com for more tips, skills, and insight on dating, relationships, singles, and love. Subscribe to our F*ree Savvy Dating Newsletter from master single’s coach, life coach, and syndicated columnist, Tonja Weimer. Copyright 2006, Tonja Weimer. (Please note source if reprinting this article.)