Talking Out The Details
By: Julia Tanner
Deciding to swing can be an interesting conversation to have for a couple. You might feel awkward or nervous about what the other person will say to you.
But what if they say yes? What if they say they’ve been thinking about it too?
Well, it’s time to figure out what those thoughts will mean with your new friends. We’ll start out with a private conversation and then move onto talking out fantasies with another couple.
One On One
As a couple that wants to try swinging, you need to be very clear about the things that will be ‘okay’ to do and the things that will not. Of course, there are some couples that just want to share everything and that’s fine too.
But it’s figuring out these kinds of boundaries (or lack thereof) ahead of time that will save you from jealousy and other complications.
What do you want? I’m sure that you have a few dirty little fantasies in your head. This is the time to share them. And if you’re nervous, you can even write them down and have your partner read them. Knowing that they’re ‘out there’ can help the conversation move along much smoother.
But you do need to be able to talk about the possibilities of sex, oral and vaginal. Perhaps you want to explore anal sex or being with the same gender.
Say it clearly what you want to do. There really can’t be surprises in swinging.
Or, you may want to write everything that you want to do out on note cards and then give the note cards to your partner. In one pile, you can keep what is allowed and in the other you can denote things that aren’t allowed.
Give the cards back to your partner and discuss things that are not allowed to understand the reasoning.
This is a great marriage and relationship tool above all—compromise and discussion.
Talking With The Other Couple
Whether you’ve met online or at a swinging club, you need to sort out the rules of play with the other couple as well.
Going into a swinging experience knowing the expectations of everyone will help make it a fulfilling and gratifying time. You don’t want to have one couple having all the fun, do you?
Maybe there’s a role playing scene that would involve everyone—you would certainly have to talk this kind of thing out. Everyone has to be on board to participate. And if someone isn’t, then they have to be comfortable observing such a scene.
Be honest. Be brutally explicit in your descriptions of what you want to do and have done to you.
If you find that the other couple isn’t as excited about working with your fantasies, then you may want to look for someone else. Swinging should be a group experience and a group adventure.
No one should ever feel left out of the fun.
And let me tell you, just the conversation can be stimulating. Try to meet in a public place so you don’t jump right into the plans. But if you do, I won’t tell.
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