Ten Steps to Understanding and Using RR’s (Relationship Reflections)
By: Peggy Tsatsoulis
1. Keep a journal to document feelings, thoughts, and growth during this exercise. Journal each night and document your experience during this process.
2. Shift your focus inward- Tune into your own feelings. By noticing what thoughts and feelings come up during the day: we experience a wide range of feelings during the day take note!
3. Choose one relationship to focus on for the next 2 weeks- it may be your relationship with your boss, your significant other, or friend.
4. As you are paying close attention to this relationship survey the quality of your interaction: a) what kinds of feelings come up b) how do you feel when you leave an interaction with this person c) do any pet peeves or hot buttons get pushed, if so which ones.
5. Identify your personal needs (i.e. being loved, recognized, correct, valued, acknowledged, respected). Are your needs being met? (Hint: When you do not get our needs met, you are running on empty looking to others to fill you up which may cause conflict.)
6. Make a list of the feelings that have come up during week one and make a second list of the needs you have identified. Compare the two lists. Determine whether there are any connections between your feelings and your needs. Make a commitment to work on the areas where your needs and feelings meet.
7. Be compassionate with yourself. Often, we need to work on the same issues many times. Beating yourself up because you haven’t made the progress that you would like disempowers and discourages your efforts to move forward. In addition, it is not uncommon to feel as if you are finished with an issue only to have it resurface. When this happens, simply acknowledge, accept, and make choices about how you want to proceed.
8. Communicate your feelings as a means of improving the relationship. Open a dialogue using I statements, i.e. I feel annoyed when you consistently draw attention to my age because it is a sore subject for me. Or I appreciate it when you ask how my career is going.
9. Maintain your balance- respond rather than react. It is easy to fly off the handle especially when someone hits one of your sore spots. Rather than risk damaging the relationship, take a deep breath and a moment to think about what the best course of action or communication will be.
10. Embrace your personal power- by honoring yourself and your values. If you value respect, honesty, and acknowledgement make sure you give these qualities to your relationships.
Copyright 2006 Peggy Tsatsoulis. All Rights Reserved.
Peggy Tsatsoulis, MA CAGS- is a highly sought after Professional Life Coach and Certified Psychologist with over ten years of experience. She has been dedicated to working with individuals to improve the quality of their lives, and her focus has been on bringing out the best in others. For more information and resources, or to sign up for a free e-course and/or consultation please visit http://www.simplycoaching.net