The Breakup: When the One You Want Doesn’t Want You
By: Tonja Weimer
Did you go through a breakup with the love of your life? Are you feeling depressed and rejected? When the one you want doesn’t want you it can feel like the worst time of your life.
The breakup of a love relationship and the ensuing sense of rejection from that experience can leave you feeling insignificant, unlovable, and unattractive. It is easy to become jaded, cynical, and convinced that love does not exist for you. What’s worse, you may even be tempted to settle for a relationship that is less than you want.
If you have gone through a breakup, now is the time to seize the moment and learn all you can from it. If you embrace the lessons outlined here, you won’t be in this place again. Now is the time to know: your life is not over. It is just beginning. Discover the following about yourself:
* You are wonderful
When you have gone through a breakup, it is important to remember that you have many great qualities and a lot to contribute. If the one you want doesn’t want you–you don’t want them. It is time to put your time, energy, and love into yourself, rather than someone else, and focus on your strengths. Get back into everything you love to do, take time to mend and heal, and get your focus off of the negative. Sitting around and brooding is not good. Taking time to ride your bike, spend time with friends, play with your dog, cook dinner for co-workers, enroll in a class, and work with a counselor or coach is good.
* Look for past clues
Ask yourself when you felt this way in the past. Dig deep. You will probably find some old feelings of unworthiness. Work to heal those thoughts, feelings, and past experiences that wounded you and you may find yourself getting over this breakup faster than you would have imagined.
* Think about when you knew this relationship was not going to work
Shortly into your relationship, it was revealed to you that this love affair was not going to work. The clues are usually right in front of us but for whatever reason, we don’t want to see them. It could be fear, loneliness, desperation, or loss that makes us cling to the impossible or live in denial. This breakup-moment is the perfect time to sit down and get clear about what exactly it is you require in a relationship. Then, when you meet someone new, you won’t spend time trying to force a relationship where one was never meant to be. Here are some requirements that other people say they must have in another in order for their partnership to last: honesty, fidelity, mutual love, loyalty, kindness, successful career, and addiction free. Do you know what your non-negotiable requirements are?
The breakup with a significant other can be a time of growth and great promise. You have learned something big. Look for what that is and you will have found the pearl of wisdom you can carry forward into your life and your future relationships.
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Copyright 2006, Tonja Weimer. (Please note source if reprinting this article.)