The Dangerous Price of Preferring Fantasy
By: Jim Sniechowski
Romantic fantasies, like drugs and alcohol, offer the hope of getting what you believe you can’t get on your own. Also like drugs they are temporary and never ultimately satisfying. When the spell dissolves, you’re lost in the pit of heartbreak, shortchanged by life yet again.
On the other hand, when fantasy is not a substitute for reality, it can be a playful source of pleasure. You can slip beyond the limits of daily life and play in a make-believe world. You get to go anywhere, be anyone and experience anything you like. However, enjoying romantic fantasies is one thing. Preferring them over reality is quite another. That’s a crucial distinction.
When you expect your fantasy to come true in reality, bitterness and recrimination will routinely be part of the package. Remember, reality can be overwhelmed when it has to compete with the perfection of fantasy. When reality fails, disappointed love often turns vicious.
Have you ever physically or emotionally hurt someone just because she or he failed to match your dream of the perfect lover? Have you ever suffered the failure of not living up to
someone else’s dream image of the perfect love? We ask these questions during our trainings, and, without exception, the majority of both men and women confess they have experienced both sides of this problem. Chances are, you have too. Then, when a real life relationship makes its inevitable demands, you shrink from a feeling of personal inadequacy, afraid you won’t be
enough, afraid you will come up short. The trance of romance is deadly. When we’re caught, we reject what is, preferring what “should be.”