Tips For Raising Your Healthy Attraction IQ
By: Toni Coleman
Do you have an inadequate dating life? Do you encounter people of interest to you, but for one reason or another you can’t make a connection with? Do you feel that you often attract the “wrong” type of person? Do you sometimes experience feelings of hopelessness due to a belief that there just aren’t enough willing, compatible and/or available singles out there?
If you answered yes to one or more of these questions, you may need some help with your attraction skills. After all, you know others who are meeting and dating successfully. So what do they know that you don’t? They have learned how to get the attention of that interesting stranger and make a connection that leaves the other person wanting to know more.
The following tips will offer you insights and strategies that are sure to help you attract your “right” type of man/woman. As you read through them, think about your usual presentation and style of interacting and how it is (or is not) working for you.
* Maintain a high awareness of your body language. Most of what we “say” to others is communicated non-verbally. Do you stand up straight and move with an air of confidence, or do you draw your shoulders together as you try to blend into the background? When speaking to someone, is your posture open and welcoming or closed and defensive? Remember that this mode of expression is the first impression you make.
* Present with an open and appropriately warm and inviting facial expression. Good eye contact coupled with a smile tells the other person that you are interested in them. Without this positive message, others may fear rejection and move on.
* Be yourself. Never attempt to be the type of person you think will be most attractive to others. Not only will you come across as insincere, you will feel a discomfort that others around you will then experience and want to avoid. Showing your true best side can never be improved upon.
* Show enthusiasm for, and interest in, what the other person has to say. Start a conversation with questions about them. Never dominate the conversation or interrupt. Good listeners are very attractive.
* Share about yourself with confidence. Skip the negative comments, stories about your ex, or your thoughts on how much you hate your job. The first meeting should be a positive, getting to know you talk.
* If you are interested, let them know you’d like to talk and/or meet again. Just put it out there. The other person’s response will tell you all you need to know.
If you suffer from depression or very low self-esteem, seek counseling as a way to resolve those issues first. Or, if you need focused help with dating in general; consider a relationship coach who specializes in this. We are trained mentors and teachers who help you to address your specific issues and get the results you seek.
Remember, healthy dating leads to healthy and lasting relationships.
Toni Coleman, LCSW is a psychotherapist, relationship coach and founder of http://www.consum-mate.com. As a recognized expert, Toni has been quoted in many local and national publications including; The Chicago Tribune, The Orlando Sentinel, New York Daily News, Indianapolis Star and Newsweek newspapers and Family Circle, Cosmo Style, Tango, Men’s Health, Star (regularly quoted body language expert), and People magazines. She has been featured on ABC news, Discovery Health, AOL news, MSN, and Match. Toni is also the featured relationship coach in “The Business And Practice Of Coaching,” ( Norton,September 2005); and is the author of the forward for,” Winning Points With The Woman In Your Life, One Touchdown At A Time” (Simon and Schuster, November 2005). From March 2005 until December 2005, she was a weekly contributing commentator (love and dating coach) on the KTRS Radio Morning Show, (St. Louis, MO). Toni is a member of The International Coach Federation, The International Association of Coaches and The National Association of Social Workers.