Tips for the First Email
By: Claire Brent
Congratulations! If you have made it to the email stage of online dating, you’re practically engaged. Well, maybe not “practically,” but you’re well on your way to securing a personalized relationship with someone who has the potential to bring about loads of happiness in your life.
Sending that first email can seem like a risky move. As you’re typing away rigorously at your keyboard, you may be second-guessing just about every line you compose. “Is this too gushy?” “Will he understand what I’m trying to say?” “Is she really interested in me at all?” No matter what has caused you to sit down and write that first email, one thing’s for certain: you must follow-through.
Self-doubt and insecurity are huge reasons why many Internet relationships fizzle. Unless you have the gusto to jump into a potential dating situation and build a love empire from scratch, you run the risk of coming up just short of the email phase with every new relationship.
However, you probably know that not all emails are the same. Often, actually, when you start a new relationship online, both parties do not feel quite the same way about each other. Therefore, many emails come unsolicited and, therefore, remain unanswered. If you happen to be in the category of folks that send regular emails but rarely get one in return, then you, too, need these email tips.
Now for the chase: Top 5 sure-fire tips for composing that must-return email:
5. Avoid coming across as being too familiar. Using language such as, “Sweety,” “Honey Buns,” and “Doll face,” might be kosher for your established friends, but when you are starting a new relationship, tone the nicknames down a few notches. In fact, consider toning them down to a complete zero for at least the first few emails.
4. Use a solid email address. Keep in mind that your choice of email address name says a lot about your personality. Unless you are truly willing to represent yourself in a certain manner, choose your name wisely. For example, if you are looking for a lasting relationship based on mutual respect, then an email address such as sexmaster4u@xxx.com may not be the best introduction into your soul. Using your full name is usually acceptable, but will potentially expose your true identity.
3. Be thoughtful. When sending your email, include niceties such as, “I hope you’re having a wonderful day.” This may seem like an obvious first step, but for many first-timers, they might not understand that an email is not intended to be a manifesto; rather, it’s an introduction and alternative means of communication.
4. Ask questions, but not too many. The typical first email should have a few (note: a few) questions about your partner. Ask them how their day was. Try to find out some of the things they enjoy doing in their spare time. Asking questions will help to relay your interest in your partner. Keep in mind that too many questions, however, will start to make your partner feel like he or she is at the Spanish inquisition. Ask enough so that it is easy to answer the questions, but not so much that the person feels he or she has to fill out a questionnaire.
5. Don’t be too forward. Be firm with your intentions from your email, but avoid being too forward. The Internet is a hotbed for seedy activity. Therefore, you must be diligent about guarding your reputation and trust with your crush. Let the person know that you are interested in learning more about them and potentially developing a relationship, but don’t come right out and ask for sex, money or a place to stay. As with any relationship, there needs to be a series of events that build to that conclusion if the relationship will be sustainable.
Now that you have reviewed these few simple first email tips, get out there are do some typing. Keep in mind that if you fail to get a response to your emails, there may be a latent issue in your message composition that you need to explore. Next time, try running those email duds by a friend before sending them onto your cyber crush. Good luck!
Lost in the jungle of online dating? Grab a copy of our free roadmap at eZ Guide 2 Online Dating.