Tired of Getting Rejected by Mr. Wrong?
By: Marcia Augustine
If you want to marry the man of your dreams, then you must position yourself closer to full emotional protection. You need to refuse to cave in to the temptation to have sex either with Mr. Wrong, or at the wrong time with Mr. Right. Later, you’ll be glad you waited for both the man and the timing to be right.
The key to getting Mr. Right to propose marriage to is raise your emotional value in his eyes. You must screen out Mr. Wrongs, protect yourself from getting hurt, and screen in Mr. Right, one small step at a time. Having sex too soon can ruin your chances of finding lasting love and happiness. Getting pregnant by Mr. Wrong will ruin your life, and getting pregnant by Mr. Right will shatter what should have been a carefree, fun courtship where you gently got to know each other. Let your feelings for each grown grow, then have sex once you know you’re with the right man. Refuse to cave in to sex until both the man and the time are right. The following four insider secrets will make you the Ms. Right your Mr. Right searches for and marries.
Stop yourself from caving in by taking sex seriously. The biological function of sex is pregnancy. Do you want to have a baby that you didn’t plan on having and are utterly unprepared to raise? Do you want to have a baby that could shatter your dreams, change your future, and make you a single mother, the biggest category of poverty-stricken people in the United States? Every time you and your man have sex, keep in mind that the point of it is to get you pregnant. Don’t gamble with your sexuality. You cannot turn back once you’ve ruined your sexual health or become pregnant. Not all birth control methods are one hundred percent effective, and neither are the barriers against disease. What will happen if you fall into that percentage whose birth control or attempts to avoid disease fail? If you wouldn’t give a child a gun to play with, then don’t toy with your sexuality. I’ve said before that you should meet your need for attention, validation, ego boosting, time-killing, or love in more appropriate ways. If you throw sex at your problems, you risk creating new, and bigger, problems. Keep this in the front of your mind the next time you’re about to cave in to sex with that hot new guy who is still a stranger. Remember that he may stay a stranger once you’ve contracted a disease or become pregnant by him.
Stop yourself from caving in by saying “No.” Don’t be afraid to say “no.” Your new flame may or may not remain interested in you once you’ve had casual, uncommitted sex. The man who wants only sex will be gone eventually. If you aren’t sure if he’ll remain interested after sex, then you don’t know him well enough to be sexual with him. Uncover his intentions toward you by postponing sexual intimacy with him until a relationship blossoms that meets your emotional needs and fits your moral values. Typically this part of the courtship can take from two to four months. A suitor who’s just infatuated with you will be gone by then, possibly within a few weeks. Remember, if you give a green light to casual sex you’ll have no one to blame but yourself if it takes you a lifetime to find the right man to love. It’s not a matter of being unable to find a man to be true to you, but of being unable to be true to yourself that will keep you from relating to worthwhile men.
Stop yourself from caving in by controlling emotional addiction. Have you ever felts that “wheel spinning” feeling? Like having your car tires stuck in mud and even though you’ve got the gas pedal to the floor and the wheels are spinning for all they’re worth, you aren’t going anywhere? When you feel that way you’re experiencing, and fighting, emotional addiction. You’re compelled to race forward, to somehow be more a part of his life than your acquaintance merits, and are fighting to keep your impulses in check. Keep ‘em in check, and here’s why. The purpose of the early courtship stages, in addition to getting to know your new suitor, are simply to enjoy his attention. When you push to be more a part of his life, by either involving yourself in his personal business or his personal growth, or by trying to spend more time with him, or by deepening your emotional involvement, you’re headed down the too-much-too-soon path. Contain your emotions and focus them on yourself, not on him. There’ll be plenty of time later for a deeper level of personal sharing about your lives, or to spend more time together as your romance warms up, or to share your great ideas with him on how his business can grow. Just let him be himself. Cool your jets and remind yourself that the point of this sweet new romance is simply to enjoy it. Get used to (and more importantly, enjoy) the feeling of blossoming intimacy without interfering with it. Keep your boundaries around yourself, and respect his boundaries to be himself.
Stop yourself from caving in by setting your own value. Ms. Right sets her own value. Don’t just talk the talk when it comes to believing in your value. Walk the walk by making choices that reflect that belief. Become more selective. By doing so you will lift your self-worth, because you cherish yourself enough to protect your body and emotions. When you trade short-term gratification or mediocre companionship for the opportunity of being available to the right man, you’ll attract more men who hold you in high regard, are protective toward you and mirror your values. You’re not abstaining because nobody wants you, but because you’re choosey, you hold yourself in high regard, and you value what you have to offer. Value being selective during those times when you wish you were more sexually in-demand.
Dating Expert and Speaker Marcia Augustine is the author of Emotional Wavelengths: How to Tune In Marriage to Mr. Right. Set for a Fall 2006 release, you can order a copy of her book from her website at a special prepublication discount.