Tis the Season to be Smitten
By: Dennis Diehl
It is obvious to me why the Northeast U.S. is flooded. That part of the country is full of Democrats, gays, Amish and small children who sass their parents. God is punishing them. Oh I know what you are thinking. “Well Washington was flooded too.” Yes, that’s true, but did you notice that the only building that had to be closed down for a month was the IRS? In that case, it’s a blessing and a gift to those in high places for “staying the course.” One man’s curse is another man’s blessing. God has, no doubt, been waiting for Hurricane season to start up again in the U.S.
It’s the smitting season for God and he anticipates it like a serial killer who also happens to be a loving father type to his neighbors. In most fundamentalist churches who find themselves in harms way when God goes to punishing the wicked around them, they often muse how God seemed like such a quiet and generous God in their Church and they never would have thought he’d allow them to be caught short in the smitting of the wicked too. The good church folks outside the area of punishment just know that even those churches had strayed from the true path and needed a lesson in getting back to the faith once delivered. When they, however, get caught in the crossfire of God’s wrath in their area, well…it is really Satan trying to discourage them. like that is going to work! Actually that’s the rule. When bad things happen to YOU…it is God trying to get your attention. When bad things happen to ME…it is Satan being allowed to test my unshakable faith. They have THE answer for EVERYTHING…that’s the first rule one has to know about fundamentalists.
I think you are going to see a lot more punishment of the masses by coming to a town near you. I even heard that the Pope had bird flu, but haven’t confirmed that yet. They say he got it from a Cardinal. I think someone is kidding me. It could happen I suppose.
Very soon God will be moving to the Middle East to bring about the scenario we find in the Book of Revelation. The chosen ones are doing all they can to make that book relevant even though the most I have ever made out of it is that whoever wrote it had good drugs. It’s a cosmic tale and any idea that it was written by the Jesus who loved the little children, all the children of the world, Red and Yellow, Black and White, they are precious in His site…is kidding themselves. But it’s a great book on smitting the masses, which of course is the point. I think with all the depleted uranium that has been spread around the Middle East by our loving Christian Politicians, in the past fifteen years or so, God’s people are going to have to be careful fleeing there for their protection from the wrath to come.
Even Jesus is reported to have said he is not going to be returning anytime soon until they clean that carcinogenic mess up. There is some evidence that the Lucifer got a whiff of that stuff in the last rebellion and it made him into a Satan. He went from “the Light Bringer” to the “Glow Master” and we don’t need any more of that foolishness. Jesus is not willing to risk another mutiny of the Angelic hosts until the place is cleaned up and I doubt anyone is going to want to do that soon as they are not done soiling the nest for Jesus yet.
At any rate, as Clint Eastwood said in Dirty Harry, “Some people need to be smitten.” So, tis the season. Rain in the Northeast. Heat in the South. Snow in Antarctica. Smog in L.A. Humidity in the rain forest. Christians in the government. You can sure tell it’s almost time for Jesus to return…