Top 10 Ways To Get Rid Of A Bad Date
By: Charles Cuninghame
We all make mistakes, but you don’t have to suffer the indignity, boredom and embarrassment of suffering through a bad night out with someone who looked and sounded pretty good after seven beers, but in fact is a bore, aesthetically challenged or a straight up nut job.
Here’s 10 sure-fire ways to short circuit a dodgy date:
1. After your first drink, suggest to your date that since the night is going so well you two should go immediately to the nearest tattoo parlour and get each other’s names inked on your bums.
2. Start complaining about the restraining order your ex has out on you and explain that the stalking charges will be easy to beat in court.
3. Nonchalantly start eating food from your date’s plate. Eat more from their plate than they do.
4. Ask your date how much money they have with them. Get them to pay for everything. “I’m a little broke at the moment.”
5. Fart repeatedly. Add commentary if necessary.
6. Tell your date you’re really into The Forum, Scientology, Anthony Robbins, Deepak Chopra, Women Who Run With the Wolves, channelling, extraterrestrial possession and/or re-birthing, and there’s a seminar on this weekend and you really should go. “It’s only $1,200 and I think you could really benefit from it.”
7. Give some backhanded compliments: “You know, you’ve got great tits. Are they yours?” or “Nice suit. Is it from WalMart?”
8. Call your mother on your mobile in the middle of the movie.
9. Talk incessantly about your obsession with Pee Wee Herman.
10. Never look your date in the eye, and always mumble when you are talking to him/her. Pause at least 20 seconds before answering their questions.
Charles Cuninghame is a website copywriter and SEO copywriter in Sydney, Australia. Find out more about Charles at text-centric.com