Two Keys to Getting Along Long Term
By: Jerome Spector
No matter who you marry, there will be differences. You will share some interests, values and beliefs, and you will differ on others.
The big three areas where differences commonly lead to divorce are 1) money, 2) sex and 3) children–whether to have them and how to raise them. It’s pretty safe to assume that you and your spouse will differ in at least one of these divorce-potent areas and in many other less potent areas as well. And so no matter what your compatibility profiles say, for marriage to last you need to learn how to handle differences.
The good news is that handling differences well makes life and living together better for both of you. The areas where you differ are where you will learn to grow as a person. Your view of the world and your place in it will expand as you take in new perspectives.
What’s more, you can develop the skills you need to resolve differences, Here are the keys to success
There are two keys to successfully differing with your friends, family, colleagues, dates and especially, with your mates.
Compartmentalize: Keep the stuff and the person separate. Maintain your empathy for that person, and try to understand your partner’s point of view. Maintain your belief in your partner’s goodness and in your partner’s good intentions. Then resolve differences without hurting each other.
Focus your words and your attention on the stuff of the disagreement, not on the other person.
Be Patient: Each of you has spent years developing your self-image. Resolving differences whether to focus now on building a family or acquiring wealth goes straight to the heart of your self image. It sometimes takes years to change. If the relationship is important, and you’re in it for the long-haul, give your partner the space and time to grow with you.
And a pre-emptive strike wouldn’t hurt. Going to an experienced counselor before marriage forces couples to discuss touchy topics, and teach them how to strengthen their relationships by focusing on the similarities, and by teaching how to resolve the differences respectfully.
Jerome M. Spector is a writer and licensed professional counselor. Jerry’s background includes more than two decades enhancing relationships: business relationships (JMSDM Direct Marketing), therapeutic relationships (Relationship Counseling Associates, Children’s Center for Behavioral Development), and intimate relationships (The Relationship Centers). For a wealth of practical information on match-dating, dating and relationship skills, visit http://www.Match-Dating-Online.com.