Unforgiveness Can Kill A Relationship
By: Ted Segura
Have you heard of couples who do not talk to each other for days or weeks because one partner had not forgiven the other for something that the other did? They have become board-mates who live in the same house or apartment but do not speak to each other. Their actions toward each other are mechanical and lifeless. Unless the person who is offended forgives the other, the relationship is doomed to die!
Unforgiveness affects attitude. It is the result of pride. “You offended me and hurt me and therefore, I will not forgive you”. This kind of attitude is destructive. Unforgiveness past relationships is like drinking poison and expecting the other to die. You are the one affected and so will your children or family or spouse be adversely affected.
Being human, we are prone to commit mistakes. We may say or do things that offend our partner. And most of the things we say and do that offend or hurt our partner are unintentional. Who wants to destabilize a relationship on purpose? No one in his or her right mind would do that.
Unfortunately, these things happen. And they happen all too often. And misunderstanding arises. Tempers flair up. A huge fight looms. And then silence. Silence that goes on for hours, days and even weeks leads to unforgiveness past relationships.
The Holy Book states an episode in the gospels where Jesus was asked by one of his disciples…. “Lord, how many times should we forgive? Seven times?” Jesus answered by saying… “Not seven times, but seventy times seven times.”
The message is clear, if we count the number of times we forgive a person, seventy times seven is equivalent to four hundred and ninety times! Who would want to count and keep track of the number of times he has forgiven the other, up to almost five hundred times? We might as well stop counting. One should not unleash unforgiveness.
Again, this all boils down to attitude. Take an inventory of your attitude. Although attitude sounds like an overused word, it’s much, much more important than just being positive. You need to be hopeful in your relationship; you need to have a feeling that somewhere, there is a solution to forgiveness. And I can find it. I can find that solution to patch up a broken relationship.
Some things just cannot change. People will continue to make mistakes. You just have to say to yourself, it is what it is. You just cannot change that.
You may have heard of the story of a father who had not seen his son, whose name was Paco, for many years because of something that the son did to the father who could not forgive him. The father realized after all those years that his unforgiving spirit had done nothing but cause sleepless nights and misery. He decided to place an ad on the local newspaper reading “Paco, my son. I forgive you and if you find it in your heart to forgive me, meet me at the fountain in the town square at noon on Saturday… signed your father”.
On Saturday noontime, 800 men named Paco turned up at the fountain, hoping that it was their father who placed the ad forgiving them.
Have a forgiving spirit, mend relationships and enjoy life, for life is short.
Ted and Christine Segura have been involved in the topic of relationships for several years. They are seriously involved in an organization that helps couples and families in the areas of family life and enhancing relations. They can be contacted at http://www.idealfamilylife.com