Wedding: On Second Thought, I Wouldn’t Elope
By: Beth Hayward
Right around the time my husband and I decided to marry, I
had gotten scared off the idea of a full-blown wedding when
I was bridesmaid for one of my dearest friends. I was
deeply touched to be asked to stand witness… And I was
amazed by the mountains of detail and expense that she had
to manage in order to create her magnificent wedding day.
At Lisa’s wedding, I saw how many details a first class
wedding involves. Take the flowers, for example. There’s
the bridal bouquet, flowers for the bridesmaids, the
boutonnieres for the groomsmen, corsages for the mothers,
the guest book attendant, the wedding singer, the garlands
for the altar, the basket of petals for the little flower
girl, and the centerpieces for the tables.
Wow, I looked at all the flowers and marveled - making a
brief mental comparison to the price of a car - but I
didn’t dwell on it. I was having a fabulous time.
During the ceremony, I was moved by the power of emotion
in the room, an outpouring of blessing and joy. Later,
during the limo ride to the reception, we laughed and
joked, toasting the couple and drinking champagne.
Mind you, I am not thinking all this time, “Wow - how much
is this costing? To rent the tuxedos, the limo, the
flowers, and for goodness sake that beaded designer dress
with the train a block long.” I am in the moment, enjoying
the pomp.
At the reception, there are Godiva chocolates, wine, more
flowers, and a string quartet. Then dinner, presented
beautifully. The bride and groom cut the multi-tiered cake
at the table with an ice sculpture. Finally, there’s the
grand wedding dance, a full orchestra. It was all just
fantastic.
Lisa had gone all out on the details of her wedding, and
spared no expense. She had started organizing almost two
years before the event! She had to: the church, the
reception hall, the caterer, all these are booked way in
advance.
If you want a full wedding, start early. By the time of
the big day, Lisa had every detail in order.
Having been behind the scenes, I had a good sense of how
much effort went into putting that one special day
together. And while I didn’t know the exact amount, I’m
pretty sure the grand total of expense would easily have
covered the down payment on a house.
Between what I perceived as stress for organizing the
details, plus the issue of paying for all of it, when my
mate and I decided to get married, we both agreed rather
quickly to elope.
Booking tickets to Hawaii, reserving a condo, and
arranging the paperwork for a civil ceremony were as many
details as I wanted to manage.
My husband and I had a wonderful time on Maui, with a
brief ceremony performed by a friendly judge who spoke a
traditional Hawaiian blessing to us. Our wedding party was
a luau, and then we came home. Married.
There is no point having regrets, yet if I had it to do
over again, I wouldn’t elope. A marriage is something
between two people. A wedding is for the strength of your
community.
The ceremony and ritual around it, having your family and
friends bear witness as you make your commitment to your
spouse - that’s a cause for celebration. And participation
in rituals like weddings is what connects us and makes our
bonds with one another strong.
It isn’t necessary to have a designer dress, a sit-down
dinner, a full orchestra. What is important is the
presence of people you care for and who care for you to be
there and to witness the occasion when you promise to love
and to cherish one person for the rest of your life.
It is an important occasion that deserves ceremony and
celebration.
Beth Hayward’s articles on topics related to weddings are
published at First Class
Wedding , a premier resource on-line for information
about weddings. For addtional articles by Beth, visit Flowers eShop and RK Baby