When a Wife Has Been Raped
By: Tomira L. Rosser
Crisis: When a Wife Has Been Raped
When a couple marries, they become one. Never again must one carry a burden alone. In fact, it is not possible for one partner to remain unaffected while the other deals with crisis.
There may be no more personal victimization than rape. Yet, when a wife has been raped it is a violation of the marriage as well. Even the strongest marriage can become strained in the face of such a violation.
Often the strain is created from a lack of understanding. While one spouse is trying to deal with the emotions suddenly thrust upon them, it can be very easy to overlook the emotions with which the other spouse is dealing. This is why it is very important that the couple continue to communicate. When marriages break down, it is very often because the couple simply stopped talking. When faced with rape, remaining open can be a big challenge.
When a wife is raped, she is met with a myriad of feelings. She may feel guilt, shame, anger, fear, rage, disbelief or any number of paralyzing emotions. Or she may feel nothing at all for a time. She may be numb emotionally. Depending on how she manages her emotions she may show no noticeable signs of change. She may work through all those feelings (or perhaps avoid the feelings) by carrying on with her every day responsibilities. Or she may become despondent. She may want to sleep all the time to avoid thinking. She may suddenly break out in tears. She could become irritable or easily frustrated. These are all normal reactions to such a violent assault on her person.
A husband might interpret these reactions as a reflection of her feelings about him. This may cause him to withdraw. He may feel that the best thing he can do is to just stay out of her way. She may then interpret his withdrawal as a lack of concern or caring.
Another thing that can be misinterpreted is the husband’s reluctance to bring up the incident for fear of causing more pain. If the wife is already depressed or crying, he may be afraid that mentioning the rape will just make it worse. If she is going through her day as though nothing has happened, he may think that she has put it out of her mind and so he shouldn’t make her think about it.
It is easy for the wife to think that the husband simply doesn’t care about what she is going through and withdraw even more. She may even interpret his silence on the matter as anger which could drive her to withdraw still further.
The husband is also dealing with his own emotions about the rape. The person he loves has been assaulted and he was not able to prevent it, nor is he able to fix it. He may feel that something was taken from him. He may feel angry and hurt. He may even blame his wife, subconsciously, for allowing the rape to happen. He may be angry with himself for having these (very normal) thoughts and consequently keep all of his thoughts and emotions to himself. The wife may read this quietness as indifference.
When couples stop talking, damage to the marriage begins immediately. Through the most innocent of motives we may shut ourselves off from our spouse and so lose the support of the one person that we need the most. When we stop talking we are no longer sharing the burden. We are creating a larger burden for each to carry alone.
This article was written by Tomira L. Rosser of CreativePenz Copywriting Services. CreativePenz creates custom, original and engaging articles, books, stories and more. For further information, please contact her at creativepenz@aim.com.